If you love martial arts movies like I do then you already know the formula.
....but I'm not here to talk about that today.
I showed up to blow up how those poor unfortunate souls tasked with protecting the bad guy get LAID OUT by the hero.
11. The Warning Yell.
-Look, y'all bout to get fucked up. This is the emergency get-yo-ass-out the way broadcast system. This is not a test.
10. Slappin' ya face!
-These goons are so low level that an open hand and a yell is all it takes to get them out of the way. Some might mistake these moves for chops or pressure points. Naw, this be straight up pimpin' without the baby powder.
9. Get Outta Here!
-What Scorpion would do with these fools, the hero does the opposite. He or She literally shoves, flips, or kicks them out of the way. While finding themselves dazed and confused their brains are no longer required to come up with the instructions to avoid further punishment. It's already been taken care of.
8. Going Green.
-The hero uses "all types of materials" beyond their intended use to get the job done. Is the hero desperate or bored? Who can really tell.
7. Safety in Numbers.
- The hero takes one goon and uses him as a tool to eliminate another. Not only is it hilarious but efficient. No weapons, no fists, no problem.
6. Go back into your hole!
-Yes! Goons in their proper receptacles are no longer a threat whether it be a closet, cell, small body of water, box, or in extreme cases a running dryer.
5. No Weapon Formed.
- I love it when a hero disarms a goon with a seemingly unfair advantage and gives them da bidness.
4. Talkin Shit.
-Any fighter will tell you that most fights are won outside the ring. The best heros are more than willing to converse with goons.
3. Poetic Justice.
-This technique is reserved for upper level goons. You know, the ones who either blindly followed orders or pulled from their own well of cruelty resulting in the disrespect of something or someone the hero holds dear. These guys usually die in a similar fashion to how they killed or tortured another and often repeat cowardly or cruel behavior. (If you haven't seen Enter the Dragon, then go watch it. I refuse to tell you why I chose this example)
2. Say it wit cho chest!
-When the hero's shirt (or other articles of clothing) comes off, its on. Often when he or she has gotten to this point they are going for internal/external organs...without a scalpel.
1. The Final Battle.
-Although the hero is no longer facing subordinates, the villain is usually reduced to the behavior of the lowest goons before the battle is complete, the behavior being that of a bitch.
More to come including the martial arts movie formulas and "WTF is that upside his/her head?" anime commentary.
....but I'm not here to talk about that today.
I showed up to blow up how those poor unfortunate souls tasked with protecting the bad guy get LAID OUT by the hero.
11. The Warning Yell.
-Look, y'all bout to get fucked up. This is the emergency get-yo-ass-out the way broadcast system. This is not a test.
10. Slappin' ya face!
-These goons are so low level that an open hand and a yell is all it takes to get them out of the way. Some might mistake these moves for chops or pressure points. Naw, this be straight up pimpin' without the baby powder.
 |
| Yeah I know, she is using a shoe. But that shit is still funny! |
 |
| The real Slap Attack! |
9. Get Outta Here!
-What Scorpion would do with these fools, the hero does the opposite. He or She literally shoves, flips, or kicks them out of the way. While finding themselves dazed and confused their brains are no longer required to come up with the instructions to avoid further punishment. It's already been taken care of.
8. Going Green.
-The hero uses "all types of materials" beyond their intended use to get the job done. Is the hero desperate or bored? Who can really tell.
7. Safety in Numbers.
- The hero takes one goon and uses him as a tool to eliminate another. Not only is it hilarious but efficient. No weapons, no fists, no problem.
6. Go back into your hole!
-Yes! Goons in their proper receptacles are no longer a threat whether it be a closet, cell, small body of water, box, or in extreme cases a running dryer.
5. No Weapon Formed.
- I love it when a hero disarms a goon with a seemingly unfair advantage and gives them da bidness.
 |
| I know Jet plays a villain in this movie but I just had to use it. |
4. Talkin Shit.
-Any fighter will tell you that most fights are won outside the ring. The best heros are more than willing to converse with goons.
 |
| That's right. I killed your master. And now I'm gonna kill you too, with your own sword, no less, which in the very immediate future, will become... my sword. |
 |
| Bitch, you don't have a future. |
3. Poetic Justice.
-This technique is reserved for upper level goons. You know, the ones who either blindly followed orders or pulled from their own well of cruelty resulting in the disrespect of something or someone the hero holds dear. These guys usually die in a similar fashion to how they killed or tortured another and often repeat cowardly or cruel behavior. (If you haven't seen Enter the Dragon, then go watch it. I refuse to tell you why I chose this example)
2. Say it wit cho chest!
-When the hero's shirt (or other articles of clothing) comes off, its on. Often when he or she has gotten to this point they are going for internal/external organs...without a scalpel.
1. The Final Battle.
-Although the hero is no longer facing subordinates, the villain is usually reduced to the behavior of the lowest goons before the battle is complete, the behavior being that of a bitch.
More to come including the martial arts movie formulas and "WTF is that upside his/her head?" anime commentary.
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