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Profile of an Asshole: The Dumpster Diver

There are many types of assholes in the world. They come in all sizes, shapes, colors and exist in all walks of life. Today I would like to elaborate on a particular type of asshole that has recently come to my attention.

The dating world is a rough place as they say "All is fair in love and war". But some shit just don't really make sense. And usually where there is a lapse in logic one finds some emotional bullshit filling the gap. We've all found ourselves in situations where we felt that we were dating below our usual standards. And as is the custom, we find ourselves confiding in our close friends the shortcomings of said partner.

Obviously there is a paradox here. If we are so unhappy and disappointed with them why do we continue to copulate?

I've found three reasons why we continue to engage these people and thus become Dumpster Divers.

1. Low Self Esteem: That's right. You just got dumped by someone who for some reason has found you below par. You feel unwanted, used, and unworthy of approaching the next prospect who possesses similar attributes. In this scenario the person who will become your "Stinky Treasure" usually approaches you. They may not be as attractive as you would like but they really like you. So you let them pamper you and shower you with compliments until you either A) can't stand the sight of their "O" face anymore or B) experience a shift in self worth back to the positive.

2. You Have No Where Else To Go: You've lost your job, been evicted or for some other reason are unable to support yourself. You meet said person who again is below your usual standards yet you gotta eat. So its screw or starve, freeze, have to move back in with your parents etc. The "Meal Ticket" may be a perfectly nice person but they have all the power. If you are usually independent and entering a rough patch this alone can prompt Dumpster Diver behavior. You stay until you can make your way or you find a more docile "Meal Ticket."

3. You're Just an Asshole: You never got dumped, you got your shit together but for some reason you are still insecure. You'd rather be with ANYONE and I mean ANYONE than be alone. You are entertained by the sheer fact that you have no use for this person yet you are intimate with them long enough to shame them. Seek help. People like you graduate to selling 11  year old Russian girls on the internet to sex slave brothels and porn dungeons.

As I've said before we are all guilty of this behavior. But if we can recognize the motivation behind what we are doing we are more likely to be content with just being alone or struggling with our issues instead of holding someone else's heart and mind hostage while we get it together.


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