FUCK UNEMPLOYMENT

I have a problem....social issues. I lack the ability to eat successive bowls of bullshit for wages below subsistence level.

So when someone asks me if I think the minimum wage should be raised I reply with a disgruntled sigh, but that's another post waiting to be written.

So as I said before I have a problem. However, my work ethic does not suffer from this problem. I still manage to do my job irregardless of how much I'm being paid and how much bullshit is being served.

That being said, I feel as though whenever I am unfortunate enough to have to resort to asking the government for some of my money back I should get it. I shouldn't have to make fireworks shoot out of my ass for a measely percentatage of my former wages.

You know, these mother fuckers really got nerve. The moment you start to work Uncle Sam pulls out a huge spiked dildo and starts pummeling your back side- no lube. Don't ask for any. They're out. And to add insult to injury he rewards those who produce offspring, whether or not they require assistance from tax dollars.

I'm not saying that people who have kids under financial hardship are draining the country. So any counter arguments of the like can eat a dick. However, I am saying that if one is attempting to use the mutual pool of tax dollars wisely and in everyone's best interest (which these assholes obviously aren't) then it would be wise to invest in those that make a earnest effort to be less of a cost. And also it might be a good idea to stop raping the middle class.

Look at me I'm off topic again. I was griping about unemployment. My discontent was brought on by a recent hiccup in my unemployment benefits. Here's the story:

Okay so in NY state in order to receive unemployment you have to go in for periodic appointments with a case worker who verifies that you attempting to look for work instead basking in the financial luxury of weekly deposits of minimal funds.

I'm usually a star player in this area. I go above and beyond by keeping excellent records of my job searches and having print outs on hand of application confirmations.

My last appointment was scheduled for this past friday at 10am. I had every intention of going. When I woke up that morning my housemate informed me that the landlord had finally decided to replace the carpet in my room, for sure. I had been waiting for this day for months. The carpet in my room looked like somone was murdered on it and then covered in fertilized earth before the body was transported. It was fucking disgusting. I had been previously told on no less than 3 separate occasions to remove my things from the room in order to prepare for the carpet layer's arrival, to which I complied. I thought there might be a chance that I would get stood up again but I decided to take the risk. I figured my stellar performance as an unemployment case would give me some leeway. So I called the Career Center (thats what they call themselves) and let them know I wouldn't be able to make it and that I would be in Monday.

So I show up on monday around 1:30pm because my experience is that it is best to do walk ins right after lunch when there is a schedule lull. I go in for my verfication and come right back out. It takes no time. The guy they found to help me out, "Jim", tells me that they will take the hold off my benefits (which is what they do when you miss an appointment) and that I should expect my funds by Thursday.

I left the Career Center feeling a little less stressed about my situation, that is, until I checked my email the next day.

I have an angry red exclamation point in my inbox on Department of Labor account. "Urgent: please respond to this email within the next 48 hours or a determination concerning your benefits will be made without the following information." The "following information" included invasive ass questions about why I did not show up on friday and why it took me 2 whole days to make up my appointment.

Mind fuck traffic jam. REALLY! I have to fill out a questionnaire about why I had to wait over the weekend to make up an appointment? You couldn't ask me this shit while I was sitting in front of one of your goons?!

I ended up writing this very civilized response: (numbers and letters correspond to relevant inquiries)

1. I did not report to my scheduled appointment because work was being done at my residence. I was not notified of this until the morning of 7/24/2015. My landlord informed me that it could not be rescheduled. Seeing as how this work was being done by strangers I did not feel comfortable leaving the apartment. No one else was available to monitor the work, including my landlord. I was told the work would be done that morning, however, it was not completed until that evening around 7pm. Some time after 3pm when I realized I wouldn't be able to make it the same day I placed a phone call to the Career Center notifying them that I would be coming in the following monday. It took me over 48 hours to come in to verify my searching for work due to the fact that the Career Center does not conduct interviews on weekends. When I did show up I had all of my paperwork in order and it was verified. I attempted to make up for my missed appointment as timely as possible for two reasons: 1. I take this process and my benefits seriously. 2. I have limited financial resources and my rent is due this Saturday August 1. I would appreciate a swift investigation into my 48 delay to producing my work search records. If I could go back in time and change things I would.

G. I was notified work would be done at my residence around 7am on Friday 7/24/2015. I was assured that it would be completed by 9am. I placed a call to the career center between 3 and 4pm when I realized I couldn't make it for a walk-in. The work was not completed until 7pm. I showed up at the career center on monday 7/27/2015 around 1:30pm to complete my verification.

This is the response I wish I could have sent:


Greetings Bitch,

I really shouldn't have to say shit to you. And by you I mean whoever is ultimately responsible for the asinine email I received about why I didn't show up for a friday appointment until the following monday. You've got some fucking nerve you know that? Who the hell do you think you are making me jump through hoops for money I earned? I could see if you were paying me the wages I OVER-earned while working for a law firm rife with so much nepotism that the department I was working in was closed down due to prolonged operation in the red. Maybe then I would owe you an explanation. MAYBE. And that is only if I agree that the wages I could ever earn would be an accurate representation of the time spent on whatever it is I did to earn them. (Don't ask just look up "opportunity cost")

And its not like I didn't show up at all which I'm sure you have experienced. I wonder if the guy I sat next to at the bus stop (who was at his appointment the same time I was in the next cubicle acting a natural ass) checks his email regularly. I mean, that is, when he's not smoking crack or begging for a "bust down." Maybe his gripes were legitimate.

Furthermore, FUCK YOU. This is my fucking money. Give it to me already. Don't question me about why I was late. This isn't high school. I am over $50,000 in debt to you fuck holes for an education that still lands me in the same position as someone with just a high school diploma. Yet I still find ways to not ask you for as much shit as I could and would if I were desperate to be on your dick like that.

In conclusion, I didn't show up when you wanted me to so you feel the need to reinforce your dominance. I refuse to believe that the correspondence you sent me serves some sort of logistical purpose. If you believe it does then you have completely succumbed to your narcissistic delusions. My response to that is of silent indignation, that is, after I'm done ripping you a new one in this fictional response to your bullshit.

No matter how much paperwork you throw in my face 2+2 will never equal 5. I paid attention in school. But you knew that.

Sincerely,

That chick who won't shut the hell up

PS: I think its really shitty of you to ask me if I want to pay taxes on my unemployment benefits. Where did this money come from again? Oh yeah the tax dollars you TOOK from my paycheck while I was working! You think that asking me if I want to be raped again makes it less cruel? Go fuck yourself.