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SHUT THE F@CK UP AND EAT THAT D@MN PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!!!!!

 

You heard me. 


I watch too much Youtube. I get that. 

While I understand that most of the content is blown out of proportion, some of the footage and interviews are primary sources of the bullshit that is churning from the mass migration of immigrants coming from South America and beyond.

At first, I gave no fucks. 

And then one night I was making "Salisbury Steak" out of ground turkey and my virgin ears happen to hear the news mentioning cutting funding to public park clean up in NYC. 

Immediately my mind went to an apocalyptic horror scene of T-rex sized rats putting MORE cracks in the sidewalks and kicking un-monitored children out of the way to get to a discarded bag of popcorn. 

(I stopped smoking weed years ago, so hush)

What on Central Park's blood stained sidewalks could possibly catalyze such a dumb ass choice in funding? 

And then I heard that man say:


"This city cannot continue to house the immigrants with our current budget."


OHHHH...the new guys.

Not that I mind. This country is nothing but generations of people that descended from "new guys."

But I do mind funding and jobs being sacrificed from a much needed service in the city.


I went back to my "steak." 

But then.. a couple of days later...It got worse.


"Recent footage has been released showing bags of prepared meals being thown in the garbage as immigrants claim they are 'unfit to eat.'


Um...ok. Some of those meals looked a little sketchy. Personally, I am hard pressed to take a turkey sandwich from just any old body. 


I let that one go. 


But then... they showed another bag of sandwiches. Inside this bag were plump, individually wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The peanut butter was spilling out of the sides, not because of compression but because of the sheer volume of peanut buttery goodness slabbed on them. 


AND....AND!

There was GRAPE jelly on the sandwiches. 

There was nothing fucking wrong with those gotdamn sandwiches, bro. 


NOTING!


But this one, this one was the kicker.


The news interviewed a man that was running his hands through his hair. He was obviously, visibly distressed. 

His gripe was that they had moved him out of the luxury hotel he had been staying in for a year and put him in a shelter ( a huge warehouse pretty much) full of cots. And to add insult to injury, not only did he no longer have his own bathroom but now he has to cross the street to wash his ass.


Alright you ungrateful fucks. Now I'm pissed. 


Shut your dumb ass up. You walked across 3 countries and swam across a river. You navigated barbed wire and fences. Some of you slept under emergency blankets for months before being bussed to a luxury hotel. 

And now you can't muster up the mental fortitude to walk across the street to take a fucking shower? 

You don't want a peanut butter and jelly (grape jelly) sandwich?

A week earlier the Mayor announced that they were handing you debit cards that will have cash loaded on it every week according to your family size. 

This is tax free cash. Free to you but taxed from the American citizen. This citizen not only has to watch out for moped riding thugs trying to snatch their jewelry, purses, and phones whose steeds were funded by the first wave of cash, but now they have to worry about walking into the Jurassic Fart Park that will result from them cutting funding to give you pocket money. 

Question: Why the fuck do we have to cut funding for anything when we have people who claim they want to work and we are already giving them money?

They can't pick up trash? They can't clear sewers?

They can't drag the bottom of the Hudson River?

Every other wave of immigrants in American history whether they be voluntary or "involuntary" (that is a reference to a horrible attempt to re-name slaves as involuntary immigrants in history books a few years back) was treated like dog shit. 

You let them eat plaster and rat poop. Their children played in raw sewage. 

Now, all of a sudden you are too chicken shit to tell these assholes to shut the fuck up and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

You feel uncomfortable asking these fucks to work for the money that we are giving them. 

Meanwhile there are American citizens who have been waiting for housing for YEARS, who can't get benefits on a technicality, who are struggling to feed themselves and their families. 

They are paying crazy rent and their discount stores are slowly being eroded by rampant crime of the "fuck it" sector of the immigrant population. 

Why are we being so soft now?

What is really going on?

I wonder...

If it were me, this shit wouldn't be happening. The moment you commit a crime, you're going back to where the fuck you came from.

You don't like peanut butter and jelly? Ok. Here's a bus ticket to help you get back to wherever the fuck you came from.

Aww you don't want to drag the bottom of the Hudson River? There's bodies down there?

Well, hear you tell it you were stepping over dead bodies in the streets back wherever the FUCK YOU CAME FROM. 

You're not traumatized. Now go get that hand you left down there.

And just as a reminder you weren't invited so all complaints must be submitted in writing on toilet paper.

SO I CAN WIPE MY ASS WITH IT. 






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