NARCISSIST TACTICS: CLONING

 

I am no psychiatrist or psychologist. 

Through my own research and some guidance from those who have studied in the field of psychology and specifically in the realm of personality disorders I have discovered a new flavor of gaslighting.

Even the most recent acolyte embarking on the perilous journey of understanding and surviving narcissism is familiar with the term gaslighting. 

The term comes from a movie called "Gaslight" released in 1944 in which a man seeks to drive his wife insane by creating a series of illusions. 

As I was sitting at my desk today at work, hoping that time would take mercy on me, my mind wandered into the territory of the crazy interactions I have been wrestling with. 

I've been trying to find a way to describe what is happening to myself in an attempt to understand why I am so angry and feel as though I am not safe. 

I finally understand it now. I am being gas lit. But the way the person is doing it is not how I'm used to defining it in my mind. 

This technique is new to me. There may already be a term for it but I'm going to call it: Cloning. 

A clone is supposedly an exact genetic copy of a living being. But I'm using this term to to describe the re-creation of an individual in the same situation saying the same things but with twisted motivations. 

I will flesh this out with a personal example.

Someone in my life offered to give me rides to work. I accepted. 

One ride in particular this person began a conversation about voting. I stated my opinion. They were offended by my opinion and proceeded to be aggressively persuasive to get me to change my mind. 

I refused. 

At that point I decided I'd rather take a Lyft to work. 

This person became more angry. I told them please to not show up on my job unless there is an emergency. I also told them I would no longer need a ride to or from work. 

They continued to show up to my job unannounced. I had to get security involved. 

When this person asked me why, I told them that I was uncomfortable with how they handle their emotions and it would be best for them to not show up at my place of work where the culture is already tense. I told them I did not want to have to get involved in a conflict or altercation.

This person continues to accuse me to this day of being "told" by the people at my job to tell him not to come there. He still insists that I am "brainwashed" and being influenced by someone else to maintain this boundary. 

And this is where I loosely attach the term "cloning." Because that is what is feels like to me. 

As though he is creating another copy of me and these incidents in his mind. It doesn't matter what I say or how much I explain myself. 

That is something else I have started to do less with this person. 

When he says things to me that are wildly irrational or brings up a topic that we have already discussed or a question that was asked and answered, I don't rehash a thing. 

I answer irrational statements and old topics with silence. If he asks me a question I already answered I tell him I have already answered that question.

His new response to this is: "I forgot."

I know this is not true because he has a seemingly limitless memory for gossip and events. He also continuously brings up things that have happened years ago, so I don't think he has memory issues. 

This technique that I call "cloning" by imposing false motivations upon your actions almost forces one to battle oneself. 

You start to question if you really are your clone. Am I brainwashed? Am I against them?

They know you have negative emotions toward them but they either don't understand why or feel you have no right to feel that way no matter how they behave. 

In any case, the last thing you want to do is battle the clone they have created. 

When cornered, gray rock. When questioned, assert your right to not answer. You can walk away. You can end the conversation. 

If you are dealing with a violent person take note of your potential exits or tools for self defense before employing any counter tactics.